Brace yourself for the unspoken truths upperclassmen are afraid to speak: in the midst of winter break at Northwood, grades increase at a directly proportional rate to tears. You can wave goodbye to snuggling up with a good book or savoring the illusion of snowfall. Winter break is not the time to hibernate: productivity is your new best friend. These are the top five things to do during winter break.
1. Calculate your final grade before the teachers do
Once your parents get you that TI-84 Plus CE calculator for Christmas (the one with the screen and the software that could probably support an entire “Minecraft” speedrun) you can now predict your own grade. At The Howler, we don’t believe in gatekeeping. Introducing the revolutionary formula for grade calculations: d/dx(cos temperature of your math classroom in Kelvin) / (# of Japanese beetles you dodged on the way to class) * the amount of crystals you have used +c = your grade.
2. Practice mindfulness
Here’s a mindfulness meditation routine to wind down from the stress of the first semester: 1. Go about the day like usual. 2. Check Aeries at least once every five minutes. Nothing says peace and love on earth like academic paranoia. You are just a teenager who crashes Aeries’ servers during winter break, all in the name of academic excellence.
3. Cram a year’s worth of AP knowledge in two weeks
Winter break: when your social life goes on vacation, but your textbooks set up camp in your living room, forcing you to host paranoia-induced daily pop quiz sessions. Start asking rapid-fire questions about APUSH or derivatives to your audience of Squishmallows and houseplants. You’re on the right track if Alexie the Cow remembers the Battle of Bunker Hill.
4. Start manifesting your Stanford dreams
This is a small habit that can offset the entire course of your life. Replace your daily morning crying mirror selfies with affirmations. Confidently state, “I have a 6.5 GPA and am destined for Stanford.” Your conscious mind might question your sanity, but your subconscious mind will thrive—it’s just like fertilizer for your brain.
5. Build a 501(c)(3) nonprofit organization
You want to sleep in until noon? No. Forget about it. Winter break is not a “vacation;” it’s time for you to undergo the metamorphosis from Stüssy T-shirts to business-formal suits. Rise at 4:30 a.m. sharp and start grinding your nonprofit, posting daily updates and inspirational quotes on social media.
WARNING: If you are procrastinating, feeling uneasy or lacking motivation, you are not suffering from burnout, despite what many licensed professionals with actual degrees from medical school may tell you. You just need to try harder. The only way to overcome academic inferiority is by ignoring your suffering mental health. This is healthy.
