The delightfully delusional world of Girl Math isn’t just an economic strategy—nay, it’s a lifestyle, a way of being. Whether it be in justifying a frivolous purchase or motivating you to look into your wallet instead of the pantry for girl dinner, does Girl Math translate into the classic mathematics we all know and (might not necessarily) love? We exposed Northwood’s math department to the five cardinal rules of Girl Math, and let’s just say they had trouble making cents.
According to Girl Math, anything paid in cash is free.
Harry Lee: Excuse me?
Louie Muniz: But cash is still money and has a place in our currency system. Duh, I teach math.
Chris Di Antonio: Cash is actually money because in exchange for it, I receive a service or a good.
Nicole Grau: Plus, you’ve got to get that cash from somewhere.
Grau seems not to have realized the foundation that Girl Math is built upon—to not think about it too hard. Or at all.
When your plans get canceled, you’re making money, because you’re canceling investments that might have led to your financial downfall.
Lee: Sure, I don’t have to spend money on seeing other people.
Muniz: As long as I don’t spend that money on something else.
Grau: But you’re not “making” money, you’re saving money.
And food doesn’t count as an expense—you need that to live. Your life is more valuable than money.
Muniz: Well, if I was buying Hot Cheetos and I consumed a bunch of those over a long period of time, I bet you that would take a few months off my life.
But what if you have nothing else to eat?
Lee: Then eat something else. Eat water. Eat something
Grau: Spending $50 on sushi one night is also a lot different than, you know, making dinner.
If you’re in an uber-specific money-related pickle, Girl Math’s deep wisdom can relieve all worries. That is, unless you’re a math teacher.
What if you cover the price of someone’s lunch with your card? They pay you back in cash. Are you making money?
Muniz: That would be an equivalent exchange, but obviously I still need to pay my credit card bill.
Grau: You could make money, but only if you’re secretly getting the 2% back. You’ve got to be careful, because people don’t tend to factor in tax and tip that you’ve now paid for, so they just pay for their own meal.
Lee: But even if it’s 2% back you make, like, two cents.
And what if you want to buy something out of your budget? What if you want to get the Dyson Airwrap but you don’t, and your pathetic hair causes you so much distress that you end up having to invest in therapy sessions? Maybe you should’ve just gotten that Airwrap first.
Muniz: I would probably have to work on my self-esteem a little bit first.
Di Antonio: Well. I’m not as dramatic as that.
Grau: If it brings you that much joy in life… good for you? Me personally, I don’t care.
