Valentine’s Day is upon us, and with it, a moment to celebrate the blessings of love… or so they say. From confusing talking stages to friend group drama, conflicts are bound to flare up even in the best relationship, so The Howler’s ultimate guide to relationships has you covered: here are the Good, Bad and Ugly ways to approach relationship conflicts.
Dear Howler,
My friend introduced me to this super cool guy who goes to University High School. He’s REALLY tall and talented in dance (how does a person move like that?), not to mention that his smile accentuates his jawline. I’ve been texting him over the past few weeks through Instagram, but he’s sending mixed signals and often ignores my text messages. I’m feeling desperate; what should I do?
In lovesick delirium,
Anita Date
Good: Honestly, Anita, you need to take a step back. You don’t know him outside of occasional online interactions, and if his words don’t match his actions, that’s never a good sign for a potential relationship. Instead of thinking, “Why isn’t he texting me?” you should be wondering, “Why would I even want him?” If he’s interested, he’ll turn things around, but if not, you wouldn’t want him anyway.
Bad: Don’t overthink this situation after he left you on seen for 23 hours—he’s just afraid to talk to you because he’s petrified he’ll fall madly in love! Ease his fear of commitment by proving to him that you can be the committed one in the relationship, doing the work for both of you.
When you see his Snap Score go up by 999 (because he’s so busy), stalk him online and compile his daily schedule on your Google calendar. Then, randomly show up on campus with a gigantic, neon pink sign asking him out—he’ll be thrilled (we promise)!
Ugly: Crash their Winter Formal (it’s this Friday, Feb. 16) by leaping onto the stage to perform “Call Me Maybe” by Carly Rae Jepsen, then dramatically whisk him away to Las Vegas on the back of an economy flight at midnight on Alaska Airlines. Honestly, what’s more romantic than that?
Dear Howler,
Recently, my best friend Emma started dating a crush they’d had for two whole years. I’m obviously happy for them, but I feel like my friend doesn’t consider me a priority anymore and never makes time for me—like who leaves their friends on delivered for five days? I don’t want to come off as clingy, but I don’t know what to do.
Please send help,
Ivy Envy
Good: Ivy, we get it—it can often be difficult for friendships to find a balance as people make new connections. Honestly, there is no getting around an honest conversation with your friend. We suggest you two discuss spending more time together: perhaps some specific plans. Think the gym or target runs; routine, but not overbearing. Expressing what you need from relationships, platonic or romantic, isn’t “clingy” or “doing too much.” In the long term, poor communication will be a disservice to both of you. Good luck!
Bad: It’s definitely, totally, their fault. Here’s what you should do: block them, dump all their stuff in front of their house (the rain will ruin all of it—Great!), and yell at them, loudly, on top of the Oak tree, about their actions. That’ll definitely get them to come running back to you to apologize for their unforgivable transgressions. You can just chill out in the meantime.
Ugly: Ivy, it’s simple. You’re always #1— and it’s time for revenge. First, get them grounded by hacking into their phone and exposing their Snapchat “My Eyes Only” section to their parents. Then, charter a private jet to fly a banner over Northwood that says “CHECK YOUR PHONE, EMMA” in conjunction with hiring OCSA’s Musical Theater Conservatory to organize a flash mob in front of your friend’s house with the same banner— just to make sure they don’t miss the message, you know? If none of that works, sue them in civil court for financial compensation. After all the emotional hardship you just endured, you deserve it!
