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The Northwood Howler

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The Northwood Howler

The Student News Site of Northwood High School

The Northwood Howler

Pear releases new product Pear Vision Ultra

Chanel Capa
THE VR HEADSET STAYS ON: No one needs to worry about “friends” or “relationships” or “enjoying the moment” when you have these bad boys on.

The Pear Vision Ultra from Pear Inc. released on Feb. 2 in stores worldwide, smashing previous records set by Pear products. 

Pear Vision Ultra is a pair of revolutionary ski goggles that allow you to become a cyborg, exchange personal data for virtual currencies in your favorite game and even travel to Mars (experience limited to five minutes due to battery drainage) for the low price of a kidney!!

“It’s the best thing that has happened to me ever since the release of the wePhone 16 Pro Ultra Extreme Max+,” Pear enthusiast Ridie Culous said. “I finally have the ability to be 7’4 and have my dream physique. I only had to pay by giving them my kidney! What a steal.”

Now, consumers are able to avoid carrying their phones around as they can simply use Redteeth technology to connect their phones to their Vision Ultra. This feature is only available for the wePhone 16 Pro Ultra Extreme Max+, the latest installment of phones created by Pear Inc. 

Consumers are now also able to multitask like never before: with the separate windows system that the Pear Vision Ultra has implemented, stock traders from r/wallstreetbets can now speculate on the next Gamestop stock explosion and monitor Elon Musk’s X to see when Dogecoin will boom simultaneously.

The waiting list for this groundbreaking product is as long as the line for Omomo when Orobae announced its temporary closure due to high demand. Pear Vision Ultras have already sold out everywhere, and reports state that bids on the dark web are rising as high as 100 ETH and three nonvital organs.

“I’m not trying to show off, but I’m currently 103,874th in the waiting list,” Pear customer Jess Illy said. “For context, the waiting line for the Pear Vision Ultra has already reached over 1,600,000 people, meaning that I’m one of the lucky few set to receive this product in around 15 years.”

Shortly following the release of Pear Vision Ultra, Pear is also seeking to partner with another company to advance their previous technology Modernverse, which was previously terminated in light of privacy concerns, since the Pear Vision Ultra provides an ideal medium for Modernverse. They want to make Modernverse a shared virtual space as long as they pay the monthly subscription including their bank account information, social security number and a half inch of hair (for more minimal subscriptions).

“We are trying to create something that is unique and needed in our world,” Headnovel CEO and founder Steelin Formation said. “We believe that future development should be shaped by how we can focus on developing and perfecting virtual spaces, not the real world.”

Please note that Pear Vision Ultra has shown side-effects of transforming users into cyborgs when used for an extended period of time.

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About the Contributors
Vincent Yang
Vincent Yang, Staff Writer
Vincent Yang is a Staff Writer with a passion for doom scrolling through Instagram Reels even when he has 5 assignments due the next day. In his free time, he enjoys watching asian dramas and ranting to his friends about celebrities. When he isn't being binge watching the newest shows, you can find him in his room either stressing about the newest Honors European Lit assignment or coping about the Houston Rockets.
Chanel Capa
Chanel Capa, Graphic Artist
Chanel Capa is one of the many talented graphic artists for Howler and has a surprising affinity for comedy. He likes to listen to many different types of music and you will most certainly find him running around school with a pair of headphones sitting around his neck. He also can't ever indulge in a single media normally (He HAS to be crazy about it for about 3 months minimum).

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