Many students around our campus have exquisitely interesting and unique stories to share, plenty of which have been reported right here in The Howler; yet one student in particular doesn’t quite stand out. Senior Arya Bhattacharjee, regardless of how bland he may seem on the outside, has some interesting stories to share. Today, The Northwood Howler has gracefully given this soul the chance to share the stories that he so desperately would like to tell.

The Howler: How do you feel, Arya, for this chance to finally spread your wings and share your deepest and darkest secrets?

Arya Bhattacharjee: Where have you taken me? Why is it so dark? What secrets are you talking about? I have nothing to hide!

TH: I’m sure you don’t… Anyways, how would you rate your experience as a staff writer on The Howler out of 10?

AB: I’m still very confused as to what this is, but I guess I’ll humor you. Well, I loved being able to dig deep into topics I never really knew about, but sometimes writing could get a bit overwhelming so I can’t really rate it as high as I would li—

TH: Moving on, how do you feel about the fact that the majority of the school doesn’t understand the vast majority of your Junk articles?

AB: Are you calling me unfunny? I’ll have you know that I’ve won exactly zero awards for my comedic writing. You can’t say anything against my brilliant sense of sarcastic humor.

TH: On a more serious note, what is something you would like to tell your close friends about, that you haven’t yet had the opportunity to?

AB: I suppose that I’m more grateful for them than I might seem. I’m pretty bad at communicating with other people, especially about emotions, but I love all my friends dearly and they really did save me from some very dark times. I’ll never be able to thank them enough for the great memories they’ve given me.

TH: Aww, that’s very sweet of you. So who do you currently have a crush on?

AB: *Coughs* No comment…

TH: We’ll let it slide for now. That being said, it has come to my attention that you’ve recently taken a couple of Advanced Placement tests. Any thoughts on your performance?

AB: Somehow that question is even more painful than the ride here, wherever here is. Can I just go now?

TH: One last question: Did you enjoy your time in high school?

AB: I mean, it could have been worse… Hey, wait. Where are you taking me? HEY! ST—

The remaining footage had been lost due to unforeseen circumstances. We hope you enjoyed this completely ethical and informative look into Arya’s life.