Whether you’re struggling to pass Math 8 or so over Enhanced Math 1, don’t fret: you will soon enough find yourself struggling to memorize the unit circle or the reciprocal of trigonometric functions in high school. I’m here to tell you that regardless of what grade you end your last semester of math with, the most important numbers are the ones we get to know along the way. “Keeping Up with the Numbers” is actually a full-time job for any high schooler enrolled in a math course, because the girls have some drama that you’re not ready for. So, from a boss level math-lete who is holding in tears trying to prove that the limit as n approches infinity=1(-1)n+1/an=0, here is my treasure trove of intel guaranteed to make your math career at Northwood, well, nothing if not entertaining.

First, you should know who’s with who, and who won’t ever be seen in the same interval as who to help avoid any awkward situations. Three and Seven are an adorable couple. They’re too shy to admit it, but take one look at them and their heart-fluttering height difference and tell me they’re not together. Four and Six aren’t officially dating, but I’m smelling a best-friends-to-lovers situation, and my instincts are never wrong. Oh, and don’t mention Nine around One or vice versa; they dated for quite a long time before breaking up. It was a tame, amicable breakup, but things are still… awkward.

Now, let’s cover the different friend groups—and the lore surrounding them. Something we can all agree on is that Three, Six and Nine are THE trio, due to the absolute iconic energy they emanate when they walk through our non-existent, outdoor “hallways.” The story behind how they came to be is one that not everyone knows, though: the iconic trio actually used to be Seven, Eight and Nine before they fell apart. The three of them had personalities that… didn’t mesh, to put it lightly.

When they got into their final and biggest fight, it was a trainwreck of toxic behavior that ran over the whole school before they all blocked each other. Nine is the loud kid who loves to be the center of attention everywhere they go, and Seven (low-key scary) and Eight (gentle giant) just couldn’t really put up with that. That’s how Nine found Three and Six, who are maybe the only ones willing to put up with their shouting and gigantic forehead (don’t tell Nine I said that).

If you’ve been paying close attention, you might be wondering: isn’t it awkward that Seven, Nine’s ex-best friend, and Three, Nine’s current best friend, are in a situationship? Well, first of all, I don’t know if you could even consider it a “situationship” when they’re all over each other at the expense of the rest of our eyes. But yes, my fast reader, it is awkward. That’s why you won’t ever find them in the same room at once, and also why Three and Seven haven’t made things official, but you didn’t hear that from me.

I’ll end this note with things you should watch out for, for your own safety. Five has anger issues (an incredulous feat considering that they’re vertically challenged) and I would stay away from them at all costs if I were you. Seven is scary, but just act normal around them and you’ll be fine. Oh, and if you get on the bad side of Two, you’ll have Two and Three coming after you, and vice versa; friendship goals, yes, but that makes it all the wiser to get along with both of them.