Breaking news! Northwood’s most famous TikTok icon, Logan Pawl, has experienced a rapid fall from internet stardom after following too many stale trends from last week. But fear not local T-wolf trendsetters: avoid a fate just like Pawl and continue to
follow your dreams of becoming a TikTok influencer. Here are four recent trends you should absolutely adopt to help you on your epic quest for internet glory!
Kroc-core
A devious deviation from TikTok’s classic creepy Clowncore, Kroc-core takes inspiration from the founder of Northwood’s favorite
golden arches, Ray Kroc, and his team of WASP-y businessmen who propelled his burger company to mediocre stardom. Trade out the tasteless white powder makeup for a photogenic, hyaluronic acid-infused foundation and the tacky clown getup for a sharp tan business suit. Modern Kroc-core allows the wearer to combine their passions for the circus, postmodern capitalism and the copyright-safe Fillet-of-FisheTM. The secrets to acting the part: come up with bland, uninspired celebrity tie-in meals that even Buster the Bulldog wouldn’t eat, and cause hordes of high school students to be late for class because they were sitting in bumper to bumper traffic trying to get to your restaurant.
Bejeweled Queen
Born brilliant, bad and a little mad, Cruella and her fur coats have taken over Northwood’s fashion scene. With deadly charm and infinite power, there’s no reason for students to be a mob wife and forever hope to achieve their dream of becoming a crazy, rich T-wolf by finding some billionaire. Instead, with faux fur and a diamond scepter, you can stand on your throne as the queen of the underworld, having conquered everything from the anchor to the patriarchy. Your reward? A gold crown bedazzled with gemstones in honor of all the queens who ever transcended Northwood.
Rodent It Girl
Out with the boring, classic French It Girl: it’s time to become a Rodent It Girl while blaring Lana Del Rey on your way to school,
accompanied by your little furry rat friends who Timby will definitely love and proclaim as his successor for Northwood’s next mascot. Just show up with killer rat’s nest hair, and you’re destined to become the best Rodent It Girl ever. How-
ever, to really take it to the next level, you’ll need some red lipstick, smudged makeup and accessories from a French luxury brand that you’re probably going to have to steal from and vandalize in the process. Don’t worry though, everybody will be too busy fighting for their lives, as they attempt to get a five on every AP there ever was. Nobody’ll care about a couple of T-wolves robbing a store.
Tourist Girl
The only thing better than dressing up as a beach lovin’ TikTok Coconut Girl is asserting your right to visit (invade) other countries as a Tourist Girl. Most Tourist Girls wear stereotypically simple clothes with patterns that definitely aren’t insulting to the locals (think Hawaiian flower shirts, excessive school club merchandise or I heart NY shirts that show off your jingoism).
Flaunt your dominant attitude by ignoring all environmental warnings to throw away your trash properly and pay everything in
the world’s greatest currency, the US dollar, even if they refuse it.
