“Avengers: Endgame” spoilers

Zubin Kumar, Staff Writer

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“Avengers Endgame” is slated to be the biggest movie of the year and aims to wrap up over 11 years of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. However, there are some people, like the man who bought a ticket and waited 30 minutes to spoil it for everyone, who sadistically aim to destroy this film for all unsuspecting fans. If you were one of these unlucky movie-goers, then below are some friendly ideas to help destroy them the way they destroyed you: 

 

Replace the word “yes” on their phone with the entire Endgame script:

Since they were so eager to spoil the movie, you should “help” them by making sure they will always have the script on the go. Whether they are just responding to their parents, or sending an email, I’m sure that having their phone autocorrect to a 20,000 word script will always be useful.  

 

Spoil everything else in their life:

Even though they may have spoiled one of the most anticipated films of all time, you can still spoil everything else in their life. The milk they need for cereal? Spoil it. Their new blood test? Spoil that. Their wedding? Spoil that too. In 20 years, they’ll see who the real loser was. 

 

Travel back in time: 

Build a time machine and travel back to 2008 to spoil all 22 Marvel films.(Yes, even “The Incredible Hulk”). They will seem confused at first, but as they grow older, watching each movie, they will come to the horrifying realization that you were right all those days ago. One of the side effects might be the creation of some alternate timelines, but after all, that’s just a small price to pay for salvation.