How to ensure tickets to Taylor Swift’s Eras tour
NO REST FOR THE TICKET: Taylor Swift’s Eras tour concert tickets go on sale Wednesday at 7 a.m. PST. Will you be one of the lucky few to snag the most coveted ticket of the month?
November 14, 2022
Attention Swifties! If you’re looking to attend T-Swizzle’s concert of “the Era,” look no further than a few scrolls below for a fool proof guide to obtaining the sparkling ticket that will admit you into the world’s most desired concert.
Beat the crowds
Tickets will go on sale Wednesday at 7 a.m. pronto. That means waking up at 5 a.m. and constantly reloading your Ticketmaster account every 30 seconds to ensure you stay at the top of the queue. Sleep is for the weak when it comes to the Queen of Pop.
Prove your worth
Every single song should be printed out on 8.5-by-11 inch cardstock paper with annotations analyzing every single metaphor in her music. You should be able to recite every song with perfect accuracy in order to prove that you are worthy of attending Taylor’s concert.
Light the shrine
Your shrine should have exactly 10 photos of Taylor, one from each era of her discography. Spray your entire shrine with one of three perfumes: Wonderstruck by Taylor Swift, Wonderstruck Enchanted by Taylor Swift or Taylor by Taylor Swift. Only these options are acceptable. You should also douse yourself in the aforementioned scents with at least six sprays per hour for 36 hours prior to trying to attain said tickets.
Midnight manifestation
If your shrine doesn’t seem to be working, you can try reciting the Taylor Swift mantra in front of your shrine every night at exactly 12 a.m. in order to manifest those sparkling tickets:
“Queen of Pop, hear my plea
Tickets I need your guarantee
I promise you’ll never find another like me
Worthy of being your devotee.”
Accept your faults
If somehow you do exactly what is stated above and STILL fail to get tickets, just repeat after me: “It’s me, hi. I’m the problem, it’s me.”
