We’re all familiar with the customary titles of king, queen, prince and princess, but these terms are outdated and non-inclusive. In order to be more supportive, I propose a new order: the Homecoming Food Court.

Gone are the days of the Homecoming hierarchy, the world of confetti cannons, crowns and purple velvet. Now, we step into the fluorescent lights of the food court, decorated with funfetti explosions from Casey’s Cupcakes and the royalty that is silky almond Häagen-Dazs ice cream.

First, I’d like to introduce our Court prince: the classic Subway. It’s everything we’ve seen before, popular but not enough to top the court. The best part? You can always pick up leftovers and add them to the inside of your sub (which may or may not be a metaphor for the leftover underclassmen on the ballot. Not too sure).

Next, we are announcing our our beloved princess: Starbucks. The creator of the most extravagant, elegant beverages around. Hints of passion fruit and creamy coconut milk are markers of the most iconic Pink Drink. Naturally, all orders must be for the drink that went viral on TikTok, so all court votes are cast in favor of Starbucks. Congratulations to our Homecoming Princess!

Moving on, we divert our attention to the most delectable treats and our gorgeous Homecoming Queen: Cinnabon. Why would one ever dare to venture into a home-grown bakery when Cinnabon is what we all know and love?

And finally, our king of the court. When we first enter the food court, eager to pick a place to fill our bellies, our eyes immediately turn to the motherload—Panda Express.

Despite the plethora of local, more authentic Chinese restaurants to choose from, people gravitate towards the tried-and-true Panda Express. Can you blame them when orange chicken is the most luxurious meal available? The long line of admirers correlates directly to the quality of the food. In fact, mall goers hold a silent ballot everyday when casting their vote for the best chow mein. A clear king of the court.

These royally good eats have been around since the beginning; they’re what we’ve grown up with. Does it matter that their food is overcooked or bland? Of course not. The customers unquestionably slip right into the mile-long queue of fellow shoppers mindlessly scrolling through their phones, shopping bags hooked around their arms. This is exactly why this new system has the perfect amount of randomness, bias, inefficiency and inclusivity (I mean, you just have so many options) to be implemented for our new Homecoming court elections.