Exposé: Looting leprechauns steal time

Rhea Gupta, Staff Writer

Revelations brought to light from whistleclover Bleary O’Shivers suggest that the one hour lost during Daylight Savings time is being stolen by his former gang, the Sham Rockers.
In an exclusive interview, O’Shivers revealed to The Howler that the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is not only a scam crafted by the sneaky members of the Sham Rockers, but is also in fact a devious way to trick innocent preschoolers. The bright rainbow lures them into completing the laborious task of stealing that extra Daylight Savings hour, all while the children are under the influence of apple juice.
“In all honesty, this is a genius plan for my fellow leprechauns to avenge themselves,” O’Shivers said. “Every March 17, preschoolers lay traps in hopes to capture a leprechaun, inevitably injuring many of our people. So we decided to strike back. Our leader, Whispers McFearsome, the mastermind behind this scheme has cleverly orchestrated this sophisticated plan. For the past few years, McFearsome has led this siege and introduced artful tactics such as carefully stealing one hour every year from preschoolers’ nap time. Soon, he’ll topple their toddler emptire like ABC building blocks.”
O’Shivers provided a detailed description of the leprechauns’ process to remove the hour, starting with the gathering of the International Leprechaun Union. The International Leprechaun Union consists of all Leprechauns worldwide with its headquarters in Ireland and specialized groups like the Sham Rockers in Southern California. London’s Pinch Perfect is in charge of initiating the time shift by acquiring the necessary amount of nylon rope to covertly shift the hour hand on the Big Ben forward one hour.
McFearsome is currently on the run, wanted by all the major countries for a bounty of 17,000 gold coins. It is also suspected that in efforts to cover up McFearsome’s getaway, many leprechauns have crafted a meticulous way to mess with Southern California’s weather by introducing hail, sporadic showers with random blocks of sunshine giving a peek to the end of the rainbow and heavy showers to off-put any suspicion of possible rainbows.