It’s that time of year again when roses bloom and everybody hopes that they look better with a mask covering half their face. With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, it’s only befitting of The Howler’s journalistic integrity to bring you the most effective pickup lines known to mankind.

Are you a Valentine? Because I want to celebrate you all day.

Starting off with the basics, this pickup line has nothing but solid fundamentals through and through. The litmus test for gauging whether you’ve got a good pickup line is when you know absolutely nothing about the other person and you’re confident that the line will work.

Did it hurt? When you got shot by Cupid’s arrow.

The hook “Did it hurt” is a versatile tool, opening your game to a number of good options. Like any good triple threat, you can immediately add to your initial pickup line with a smooth follow-through. Just make sure not to accidentally insult them in the process.

I thought happiness started with an H. Why does mine start with U?

They say brains and intellect are incredibly appealing traits, so be sure to show off your spelling skills with this brilliant pickup line. You should pronounce this line slowly, however, as it may be too intellectual to comprehend at first.

You can keep the Hershey’s—I just want a kiss.

The extremely romantic diction of “kiss,” along with the archetypal image of Valentines’ Day chocolates (especially Hershey’s), will make them swoon from the literary merit of your pickup line. Combined with the wit of utilizing a double meaning for the word “kiss,” and they’ll think that you’re the next Shakespeare.

혼자 왔어? (Did you come here alone?)

At least you’ll know if they’re Korean.

I like Legos, You like Legos, Why Don’t We Build a Relationship?

Beware, for this line is among the more advanced strategies, as it requires quite extensive groundwork to set up beforehand. You need to know the other person in-depth, including their interests, their hobbies, their pastimes and–most importantly–their favorite childhood toy. Once you understand the person completely, only then can you utilize this pickup line and begin a beautiful new relationship.

I’m rich. Let’s go out.

By far the most effective pickup line. Interestingly enough, this has an over 100% success rate because surrounding passerbys, upon overhearing the conversation, suddenly become interested.