Google Docs, being the word processor of choice for many students at Northwood, has some glaring flaws evident every time you type in docs.google.com in your browser. Whether it’s the sporadic stints in offline mode that “allow editing offline” but never actually do, the almost blinding interface due to its lack of a dark mode or just the sheer malice of a program whose logo portrays a pristine sheet of paper bent at the corner, the time has come to ditch Google Docs as a whole. There are plenty of alternatives, so you can pick whichever fits your needs the best.

1. Gmail
Another product from the cursed company that is Google, except this one won’t sporadically go on offline mode and disrupt your work pace. Just save every assignment as a draft and let it sit there as you do with every other email draft! It surely won’t get cluttered, since your insatiable desire to keep your google drive clean will help you keep your inbox clean. In addition, this alternative is helpful for creative writing, as the mere presence of the Gmail logo on the top left will encourage you to write in a more conversational tone that English teachers emphasize too much on any short story assignments. Just remember that not all assignments are formal writing, as you may need to abandon the “dear” and “sincerely” to replicate a real dialogue.

2. Paper Towels
If you want to ditch typing in general, why not opt for the most superior form of paper writing? Legend has it that the papyrus scrolls the Egyptians wrote their hieroglyphs on most closely resemble the luscious texture of a random roll of paper towels. This became an increasingly popular option during the last school year with the hybrid schooling model, as the only form of paper that was not heavily regulated under COVID-19 guidelines. The smooth, soft paper quality has only increased its popularity among students. You need a ballpoint pen for this option, as pencils would easily rip through the thin sheets. But who even carries around pencils these days? These towels will be most abundantly available in the science classrooms, conveniently located so you can use your notes to wipe away all the hydrochloric acid spilled during your chemistry lab. No one ever looks at those notes after the class regardless, so it may even help you save some paper in the end.

3. Write it on Yourself
In the end, all the online stuff will fail you, just as all the paper alternatives will after your younger brother sneezes into it. They just are too far from being fully reliable. Common logic will state that the only thing in the world you can rely on is yourself, and this alternative fully embraces that idea. On average, people have 2 square meters of skin on them. That’s about 33 times the area of printer paper! Surely that ought to be enough room to write everything down. Your best friend in this case would be a super-skinny sharpie marker, as it provides both the permanent ink needed to lock the words on your skin and the relative fluidity of writing through its thin tip. While this method may prevent you from taking showers the day before the test, all the stinking will act as a repellent, warding off any potential cheaters looking to read off your notes during a test. You also won’t have to worry about WIFIUSD randomly cutting out every 30 seconds, which is always a positive.