I know that The Howler is your favorite newspaper at Northwood, but I’m tired of seeing the papers strewn all over the floor or in the trash cans on campus at the end of the day. There are just so many better ways to use The Howler in your day-to-day life.

1. Use it as a paperweight.
With the winter season comes slightly stronger winds than usual in Southern California, putting your work at risk. Instead of your important papers being carried away by the howling, gustacious breeze going at 2 mph, The Howler can fly away in its stead.

2. Refill your pen ink.
The smudging ink is a common complaint amongst readers of The Howler. In fact, the paper is probably leaving its traces on desks, clothes and even your hands right at this very moment (check your palms; I bet it’s there). Make use of this ink by refilling your pens whenever they’re out of ink. Use a spoon to scoop individual words into a separate container. With enough ink, you can create an environmentally-friendly “Squid Game,” this time with recycled ink instead of real squid ink.

3. Fold an origami boat.
Paper boats are a beloved classic; you can wear them as a hat or even throw them like a boomerang. If you ever find yourself aching for something to do on an uneventful, stormy afternoon reminiscent of Maine in 1988, use The Howler to fold a paper boat for your little brother. Be sure to say hi to the clown peeking out at you from down the storm drain (he doesn’t bite).

4. Make a paper airplane.
If you gather all 700 copies of The Howler that we passed out just today, along with previous editions, you just might have enough materials to build your own paper airplane Boeing 707. After getting the blueprints from the company and building the plane, you can get a pilot’s license. Make sure to register your vehicle with the front office to fly it! The Howler doesn’t want to encourage possibly illegal behavior in its readers.