Between dealing with lengthy red lights and seniors who definitely shouldn’t have a license, driving to Northwood can be tough. Even worse, it seems like every Northwood student ends up in the exact same last-minute rush to school as you. When you find your car idling on Yale with only two minutes before the bell rings, you can’t help but wonder, “Isn’t there a better way to do this?” But rest assured, there is!

Stay at School Overnight. Pack a pillow and a blanket the next time you go to school because you won’t be going home at all. Just tuck yourself away at your desk in your first period and settle down for the night. Now you won’t need to deal with the traffic at all! You’ll have to be extra quiet to make sure the custodians don’t find you, but at least you won’t need to set an alarm as the 8:25 a.m. school bell will wake you up just in time for class to start. It’s alright if you feel a little sluggish or have some bed head, because at least this is better than waiting in line to get into Northwood. 

Take a Shortcut. If the long line is starting to get overwhelming, simply drive through the avocado grove that surrounds campus. Barely anyone knows about this shortcut, and while you may have trouble getting over the hill and steering your cars through the trees, it’s definitely worth the risk. Keep an eye out for coyotes, the odd tractor and the students from Orchard Hills who run down the PVC pipe infested hills on their way to school even though literally any other route would be safer. Just always make sure to buckle your seat belts and ignore anyone who accuses you of “trespassing.”

Invent a Teleportation Device. It also might be worth investigating the complex and precise world of physics and science fiction to bring the hypothetical to life, just to avoid Northwood traffic. This feat might sound a tad bit overwhelming, but think of the possibilities! If you invent teleportation, no one will have to wait to get to school. You’ll save 20 minutes of the precious time of hundreds of Northwood students and maybe even win a Nobel Prize in the process. Now all you have to do is solve a hypothetical that scientists a hundred times more qualified than you have been racking their brains to achieve this endeavor.

Hire a Helicopter. If going by land is no good, then go by air! Hire a helicopter to personally chauffeur you to school for the mere price of half your bank account. Then you can scoff at the peasants below as they struggle to find parking while you can conveniently land right on top of the 1200s building. To complete your VIP escort, snag a ride on one of the Northwood golf carts, as I’m sure Admin won’t mind!

Skip School. Sometimes, the only way to beat the traffic is to not challenge it at all. Stay at home and ignore the dozens of Canvas messages reminding you of all the new worksheets your teachers are assigning. Instead, save some gas and dream about the old days of the cohort system when there was barely any traffic at all.