“Scream” based on your Horror-scope

Karen Wang, Staff Writer

Rather than spending precious time complaining about the grubby children that come to your door begging for sustenance, consider the possibility of Ghostface (who’s on the hunt for teenagers) calling you on the fatal 31st. The stars have provided me with a detailed account of what you’ll be caught doing on the 0.00001% chance Ghostface’s in town.

Aries (March 21 – April 19):

Ambitious and brave, it’s only fitting for this fire sign to be the protagonist of a classic horror movie. You’re determined to survive Ghostface, surprising the petrified audience by pulling out axe kicks and elbow strikes. Anyone possessing Aries placements will not go down without a fight, especially when it comes to premeditated vengeance. Chances are, you’re best friends with Sidney Prescott. 

Taurus (April 20 – May 20):

Taureans are relaxed and dependable but stubborn, naturally making them just like Randy Meeks, a video store geek obsessed with horror films. When faced with danger you’re ultimately inactive until the last second, hoping to save the day but dependable nonetheless. It’ll make for an interesting diary entry or fun fact to tell on the first day of school. 

Gemini (May 21 – June 21):

The great pretenders, Geminis are mysterious and yes, two-faced. Ghostface or not, Billy Loomis is skilled in pretending as if he isn’t treacherous, constantly straying away from confrontation with expertise, confidence and style. Nobody can deny your mysterious charisma, making you undoubtedly Ghostface himself. 

Cancer (June 22 – July 22):

“What?? Who is this??” you exclaim as a bead of sweat rolls down your forehead. You’ll catch the stars yelling at you to not open the door as you rush to open it. Curiosity killed the cat.

Leo (July 23 – August 22):

Your friend just got the phone call, but you’re not worried. Chances are, you’ll be looking up dad jokes, but comedic relief doesn’t seem to calm down their hysteria. Good luck next time!

Virgo (August 23 – September 22):

The stars have caught you providing student phone numbers to Ghostface. This wasn’t the form of elimination competition that you were expecting, but you’re willing to take part. Earth signs, of course, are down to earth, and that just may be what keeps your role as an accomplice hidden.

Libra (September 23 – October 23):

Consider providing all your friends with cheesy HOCO pick up lines. Flirting with a suspected serial killer over the phone would be the last thing on anyone’s escape plan—but not for you. Your ability to connect to anyone is worthy of three loud pats on the back.

Scorpio (October 24 – November 21):

You’re practicing death stares at school, even weeks before Halloween. A glimpse at you, and Ghostface will see that he’s no match. Congratulations, your intimidation worked.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21):

Your phone’s been lost for three months. Perhaps it slipped out of your pocket and into the toilet in the 900s building. Either way, you haven’t checked Instagram in three months, so it doesn’t really matter. You’re lucky enough to never get that phone call. 

Capricorn (December 22 – January 19):

You surely don’t mind the hustle. As a worker bee that’s never at rest, you’ll be the first to publish your own breaking news article on the appearance of Ghostface. But at the same time, you’ll convince yourself that Ghostface doesn’t exist. This sense of false security may lead to your demise.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18):

Calm, cool and collected. Perhaps it’s a part of your master escape plan. Your temporary emotionless tone on the phone makes even Ghostface leave you alone. 

Pisces (February 19 – March 20):

Chances are you’re taking your third nap of the day. The ear-splitting ring of Ghostface’s call will cease to awake you from your beauty sleep. But the stars tell me that you might butt-dial him in the future.