With the advent of the new school year, you’ve probably had a few questions about our campus. As a result, I have decided to kindly compile all the advice you need to be successful at our lovely school through a monthly column: Dear Timby! 

Every month we’ll be going over an array of your burning questions and the best of the best student responses, which I will further comment on and invalidate. Today’s topic: a survival guide now that everyone’s returned from our little hibernation period and decided to clone themselves over the corona-cation. I guess Thanos got tired of snapping. 

Our first submission reads,

Dear Timby,  what is the best way to get to the lunchline from the 1300s building?

“Just vent.” – Jade Niu (11)

Not all of us want to crawl in those; who knows how much dust and leftover vape fumes you’d inhale? But I appreciate that you understood the assignment.

 “Ask to go to the restroom, take a little detour to the cafeteria and have your friend bring your backpack.” – Divit Rawal (11)

Personally, I think this is extremely smart. Unfortunately, junior Vivian Guo brings up a good point, saying that “if you do it too often, it’ll be sus,” so make sure you’re spacing your genius out. Next question. 

Dear Timby, let’s say I were to drop my phone in the toilet. Which bathroom is my best bet for still wanting to touch it?

“1400s. They’re the cleanest, and there’s no one there, so if you need to check the hundreds of notifications you received from Canvas (only to realize it’s a discussion thread with every comment starting with “I agree with —”), you can do it in peace and quiet.” – Arjun Suresh (11).

I agree, although unless you’re in a World Language or science, you’d have to go out of your way to walk to the back of the school, and that seems like a lot of work just for the sake of dropping your phone into a cleaner toilet.

“The staff-only bathroom in the College and Career Center.” – Andy Hoang (12).

A decent suggestion. Of course, if you actually need advice about your future, the room is there just for that purpose. But hey, if you’re already there, might as well just use it. There’s even paper towels and a leftover coffee mug from the last counselor who was in a rush. 

Dear Timby,  which vending machine scams you the least?

“The one near the gym and the pool. Given that the only people that use it are athletes, there’s probably less malfunctioning since they’re too tired from practice to swing punches aimed at shaking those top row Doritos down. Also, its dollar-bill accepting thing is just built different” – Kim Huynh (11).

Unpopular opinion, but the chips from there always taste a little sweaty to me. Also, they seem to have a bigger air-to-chip than the usual 50:50. 

Dear Timby, does the media center actually exist?

“Well actually, we call it the library now, but yes…” – Kristie To (10).

To be completely honest, I had that question too… 

That’s all for this week. There’s so many more heavy subjects that we need to address, like the ugliest tree on campus (it’s the Oak), or which club has the worst merch. Keep that energy, and use it to walk to the 1400s bathroom (your phone will thank you).