4 must do’s on Easter Day!

Helia Dehghanzadeh, Writing Apprentice

Spring break is here at last, but there is no time to waste. With Easter Day coming soon, 2021 is the perfect year to spice up this age-old holiday. Instead of the same bland ideas of painting eggs and letting kids win Easter competitions, here are four must do’s that professionals do in order to make this upcoming Easter truly memorable. 

1. Join in the hunt for easter eggs. Assert your superiority over the neighborhood children by beating them at a supposedly friendly Easter egg hunting competition (it’ll help you regain the happiness you’ve lost writing ridiculously lengthy HEL papers over the course of the school year). “Shouldn’t I leave a few eggs for the kids?” No, never let guilt take control. Even better, you can take home all the eggs you collected. 

2. Take care of baby chickens. Has this year’s pandemic made you crave the feeling of caring for someone else? Why not start with a few adorable baby chickens! Unfortunately, you’ll have to drop your eggs on the ground one by one until an actual baby chicken hatches amongst the remains of its siblings. Pro tip: the more eggs you collect during step #1, the better chances you have. Even if some of the eggs don’t hatch, can you really complain with chocolate? 

3. Become the Easter Bunny. Now that you’re a chicken mother, you have the power to conjure Easter eggs anytime and anywhere to spontaneously create a new chicken family. Some of them might be small, some of them might be big and none of them will be plastic, but any egg can be an Easter egg with your new powers. Take the opportunity to make amends with the children you initially stole from by aggressively tossing eggs toward them. Any crying you may hear are simply tears of joy, so be sure to continue pelting the children until they run away, overcome with wonder from this egg-straordinary experience. This lasting emotional impact left on the children will grant you the title of Easter Bunny. 

4. Influence others to care about nature. As the Easter Bunny, it is your responsibility to make sure that your community will take care of your natural bunny habitat. Go to every house in your community and knock until someone answers. Think of this like being a Girl Scout, but instead of selling Thin Mints and Caramel deLites, you’re here to deliver a brochure on how to care for your friendly neighborhood Easter Bunny. Keep staring at them until they finish reading the brochure, then give them a quick multiple choice test (no less than 10 questions) about the bunny diet and how humans can maintain the grassland habitat in front of their houses (otherwise known as lawns). Make sure you get their written consent to weekly inspections to ensure lawns are appropriately maintained to the exact height of 4.4 inches. If they don’t cooperate, use your Easter Bunny powers and spawn twenty baby chickens in their living room. Eventually, they will undergo their own Easter Bunny journey, where they will learn the true importance of nature and join your campaign to promote environmental awareness!