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April Fools! There is no cash prize, and you’ve just been pranked by the oldest trick in the book. If that didn’t fool you… well, that’s because it’s an old trick. For superior tricks that nobody will see coming, here are some upgraded versions of classic pranks to celebrate the coming of April.

1. Plastic wrap across the doorway. Create an invisible Stretch-Tite barrier, summon your victim by shouting their name and giggle with glee at their squished, Quasimodo-esque face. But pro pranksters don’t stop there. Lure your poor victim through another doorway. They might dodge the face-squisher this time, but they won’t expect the translucent tripwire you’ve just stretched across the bottom. Checkmate. Bonus tip: You can reuse the untouched plastic wrap to cover some leftover soup.

2. Zoom background shenanigans. An amateur prankster might set their Zoom background to a basic picture of them paying attention to class, but you can take it to the next level by setting your background to a 1.5 hour video of yourself staring into the camera, taking notes and—of course—occasionally sipping your leftover soup. What’s the best way to record this foolproof gimmick? During first period, turn on your camera, stay attentive, take good notes and hit the record button. If you record a new video for every class, they’ll never catch on.

3. Senior prank comes early (spoiler warning for freshmen). For those who aren’t aware, Northwood’s traditional senior prank is a honking spree in the parking lot. And as obnoxious as those car horns are, an obvious improvement would be the ostentatious honks of hundreds of geese (conveniently, geese return from their migrations in the spring). For those concerned about how one would capture hundreds of geese, see prank #1. And for those concerned about the logistical challenge of keeping hundreds of geese well-fed, let them drink soup.

4. Release the geese. Picture this: a group of high school students release chickens into their school, marking one chicken with the number “1” and another with the number “3.” The school staff spends all day looking for Chicken 2. Given that geese are just cooler chickens—and that you currently possess hundreds of geese—this upgrade should be pretty self-explanatory.

5. Poisson d’avril. April Fools’ Day actually originates from Poisson d’avril, or fish of April, in France. French children celebrate by sticking paper fish cutouts to the backs of their friends. That’s child’s play compared to this prank. First, acquire a live fish, a sharp knife and twine. And then some salt, pepper and a sprig of thyme. That’s right, you’re treating your friends and family to a nice, warm home-cooked meal. Knowing the average culinary skill level of our target demographic, forcing someone to eat your cooking (because it would be too rude for them to decline) would be truly diabolical. You may need to provide your victims with a bowl of soup to wash it down.

6. If you know this trick, roll with it. All Northwood bathroom-goers are currently required to scan a QR code that links to a Google form for COVID-19 contact tracing. I’m sure you, dear reader, are a bathroom-goer (all that soup has to go somewhere), but you’re never gonna give up an opportunity for trickery, right? This prank is never gonna let you down. Once you replace the QR code on each doorway with the one below, fellow Northwood students are never gonna stop running around campus looking for the link to the contact tracing Google form. Thinking about deserts might help them hold it in.