Dear T-Wolves, 

As students who once relied on The Howler’s Junk page for the newest news, we’re asking you to hear us out: Junk cannot be trusted.

 In the 2019-2020 school year alone, the Junk page published suspicious content in over 214.37% of its articles, all of which have proved to be endangering to our student body. One particularly malicious article, “Wear purple to the first pep rally,” has raised significant concern. This article was clearly an exhibition of anti-Northwood sentiments.

“The Junk page was my No. 1 source of news, so I spent $500 on Portola merch and spray-painted my body purple,” Sophomore Class Council member Sumay Kalra said. “But when I got to the rally, everyone else was wearing blue! I’m never reading the Junk page again!” 

To combat further atrocities, we created the Alliance against Suspicious Behaviours (ASB) (definitely a legitimate organization, but unaffiliated with the Northwood ASB) to revolt against the Junk page. With a grand total of two members, we have spent the past 30 years carefully analyzing and collecting incriminating articles to blow the whistle. 

In our exposé, we confronted Junk editor Anna Lame with irrefutable charges of fake news, but to no avail. Lame turned us away as she scoffed, “iT’s sAtiRE bRo.” How typical. With such terrible writing and badly Photoshopped photos, how could she ever expect anyone to believe anything on Junk? Thus, we believe that Junk is fake news. 

With love, 

ASB 

(Again, not affiliated. Just in case you forgot.)