Perfectly preceding college rejection season and in the midst of the flu season, the Valentine’s fervor is finally here. So you know what that means: mass rejections! Fear not, for the Howler has hand picked the trendiest, pristine places for you to unleash your tear wells.

1. In the gift chocolate aisle of the Target on Barranca

Yes, the Target on Barranca. You have absolutely no chance of running into anybody from school because everyone knows the Target on Barranca is the worst Target. Plus, Valentine’s Day is right around the corner, which means at least one half of every relationship is going to be buying the other half of said relationship a heart-shaped sweet. Do them a favor and sob through your heartbreak smack dab in the middle of the aisle, so at least they’ll know how every relationship is destined to end.

2. Noguchi Garden

For times when you’re feeling no gucci. Plus, it’s where everyone takes their prom pictures, so you can show them what relationships are really like behind-the-scenes.

3. Outside of Mr. Monge’s AP Chemistry room

Just to solidify the concept that all bonds break eventually. Mr. Monge will be proud of you, so at least that’s something!

4. In an animal shelter

This location is two-fold. The first: the baby animals will sense your sadness and give you licks, so you won’t just be sad. You’ll be sad and covered in animal spit. Secondly, it offers a quick fix. Adopt a cat and be a cat person, so you can have a brand while you’re sad.

5. In the middle of a water fountain

People will mistake you for one of those fountain statues and toss quarters at you. Now, your heart may be broke, but at least your wallet isn’t!

6. At your 3-year-old cousin’s birthday party

All the kids will be crying anyways, so you’ll blend right in!

7. In your parents’ rose bushes

You’re already losing gallons of water, so you might as well put it to some good use. You know, save the Earth and all that jazz.

8. In your optometrist’s office

Maybe they’ll help you see more clearly in your next relationship.

9. On your friend’s iPhone

You’ve got to figure out if they’re really waterproof one way or another, right?

10. In The Howler classroom

Come down to The Howler for Kleenexes! We only print on premium-grade paper, and you deserve the best while depressed.