A time capsule buried by the Northwood Class of 1999 was uncovered and discovered in front of the grounds of The Oak, causing mass excitement around campus as the items were unearthed for the first time in 25 years.
The newly-formed Northwood Object Anthropology House swiftly took charge, seizing the priceless artifacts for further research and cataloging. In a statement released on Sunday, NOAH revealed several items from the capsule, including a Game Boy Advance (remarkably with half its battery left still), a garbage bag filled with valueless Beanie Baby plushies and long, yellow, wooden styluses apparently once used for writing applications.
NOAH said the most interesting discovery were packets of old AP European History DBQ prompts back when the class was still offered by Northwood. Finding ancient relics of the past such as these were exactly what experts at NOAH wanted to find.
“We’re honored to have rediscovered this ancient field of study taken by the upperclassmen of long ago,” NOAH head archaeologist George Curious said. “We’re planning on sending our findings to Northwood’s history department to drum up interest and see if anyone would be willing to teach the class next year.”
The finds will be curated inside the theater lobby inside custom, climate controlled cases with special informational placards made by NOAH staff to help educate students about the lives of teenagers in the 1900s. Due to the sheer number of items discovered and needing further study, the process of cataloging and restoring the items to prepare them for display is estimated to take about 25 years.
“We’re working as fast as we can; there’s simply so much stuff to catalog,” exhibit curator Speedy Ryter said. “Researching the origin of every Spongebob branded notebook and Darth Maul action figure is taking a while because it happened so long ago, but our top anthropologists, National History Day finalists and time travel experts are hot on the case.”
Many students were baffled at the intended usage of some of the things they discovered in the capsule. Some were afforded the rare opportunity to enter into the NOAH laboratory and view some of the items beforehand. A lucky few within this group got to try some stale Nesquik Cereal, which was discontinued in the United States in 2012. One student found a tiny, beeping plastic brick that said “Blackberry” on it.
“I taste-tested that flippy-flappy Blackberry block and it tasted almost as bad as the metal slabs labeled ‘Apple’ that we have today,” 90s enthusiast freshman Splenda Dreamcast said. “There was also one of those small animatronic singing fish which was reprogrammed to sing the Northwood Alma Mater. We had a mini karaoke party in that processing room. It was really fun, and I can’t wait for the totally tubular things that NOAH is planning with those rare finds!”
In response to the opening of the time capsule, late 1900s fashion and trends have gained popularity at Northwood. Students have begun to wear massive black overcoats and sunglasses as a tribute to the “Matrix” film franchise as well as nightgowns in place of pajama pants.
To give back to the community, NOAH plans to bury another time capsule this year, set to be opened in 2049. Currently, they have amassed relevant and trendy products such as a moldy pizza “Lunchly,” a Nintendo “Alarmo,” some I Voted stickers and an iPhone 16. However, there is still a healthy amount of academic debate among NOAH analysts on what to add. Students are welcome to submit suggestions for the box to [email protected].
“We want to help the students of tomorrow get a glimpse into the crazy stuff that has been going on now,” NOAH historian and anthropology teacher Emily Renner-Rhodarmer said. “Hopefully, they’ll learn just as much about how students lived in our time as we are learning about students back then, and we can protect all artifacts, old or new, from anybody who wants to damage or steal them. We will protect these items at all reasonable costs to make sure that they are presentable for all future generations to view and discover.”
