Em(pathetic): when you try your best but you don’t succeed

Dylan Yee, Staff Writer

STATE OF THE STUDENT – There will be a time when your friend needs your help to make them feel better. Here are some helpful tips on how NOT to do it.

  1. If your friend drops their sweet new iPhone 11, shatter yours on the ground in front of them to make them feel better.
  2. It sucks when your best friend gives you some bad news. Keep talking, so they never get the chance.
  3. Often times when your friend is in a bad mood, they will try to distract themselves on the internet. Cut the internet to keep them focused.
  4. Let’s say your friend can’t stop talking about their ex. Date their ex so you know how they feel. It pays to be relatable.
  5. Type up a full transcript as they rant on and on. If they see you are actively engaged, it will motivate them to keep going.
  6. If your friend starts crying, cry harder than them so that they don’t feel the worst in the room.
  7. Avoid cliches like “I’m sorry” and “I believe in you.” We say “bruh” now.
  8. Laughter is contagious. Keep laughing at their problems and eventually they’ll join in.
  9. Spike his or her Hydro Flask with laxative. Y’know, to get the bad feelings out.
  10. Bonus Quote: “Can I offer you a nice egg in this trying time?”