An intellectual’s alternative to ding-dong ditching

Anlon Zhu, Managing Editor

Ding-dong ditching (DDD) is a Halloween classic, but it’s not a children’s game. DDD is a deal with the demon Demiurge and a mental P90X routine for only the most devious of people. To dominate the DDD game, design an escape route, identify a target without security systems, ding that doorbell and disappear in your getaway car. And as a plan D (for when the police come) you better have a drafted defense ready.

Yes, DDD is hard. Combine that with the increasingly lazy generation of teens and what do you get? Make room for ding- dong staying (DDS) because it’s all the rage and here to stay. DDS is efficient and effective. Ring the bell, greet your victim politely––I suggest “hello”or maybe even “trick-or-treat” to really get into the Halloween spirit––and you’ll be greeted with a nicely wrapped confectionery. Even better, you might find yourself enjoying a conversation full of fancy words from the Merriam-Webster dictionary.

“I found myself deep in thought with this nice guy talking about the fleeting nature of life and the logistics of the Patriots game yesterday,” senior Stae Ying said, after being caught practicing her DDS routine on unsuspecting neighbors. “He gave me Tootsie rolls too.”

This Halloween, don’t be a clown by ding-dong ditching. Be the entire circus and try ding-dong staying.