CIF approved boys’ and girls’ chicken flinging as a CIF sanctioned sport on April 1. Starting in the 2024-25 fall season, Northwood students will have the opportunity to catapult their rubber chickens out of the coop.
Chicken flinging is an individual sport in which competitors throw a rubber chicken into a bucket. The feathered flinger with the highest point total wins. Competitors in this sport take themselves very seriously and hope the sport will catch on.
“Chicken flinging is definitely taking flight,” chicken flinging enthusiast sophomore Ken Chi said. “It has already surpassed football in terms of spectators and there’s more students interested in becoming chicken flinging athletes than students in the entire track and field program.”
As the forerooster of chicken flinging, instrumental music director Hen Case led a rally to sanction chicken flinging. Several hundred Northwood students strutted to the CIF office in Sacramento. During the march, students ate KFC as they distributed coveted chicken flinging pins to onlookers. Pressured by the relentless screeches of 2,000 rubber chickens outside their office, the CIF Federated Council voted 8-1 to sanction chicken flinging.
“We want to replace the Northwood mascot Timby with a rubber chicken next,” chicken flinging enthusiast Paul Tree said. “I think it’s a more accurate representation of Northwood’s core values.”
Northwood’s chicken flinging craze grew from the inconspicuous egg Case laid only two years ago. What began as a friendly contest between two Teacher Advisements hatched into a school wide event involving nearly half the school. Northwood students’ plumed passion has permeated the campus and surrounding communities. Reports state that sounds of rubber chickens squawking have been heard as far as Newport Beach.
In response, the NCAA sanctioned chicken flinging on Jan. 1 and the University of California, Los Angeles began recruitment for their NCAA Division I varsity chicken flinging team. Portola High School and University High School also expressed interest in incorporating chicken flinging into their own athletic programs.
“Huh? Chicken flinging? What the cluck is that?” NCAA Division I basketball athlete Amaya Teur said.
Due to overwhelming public interest, CIF plans to organize schools into 12 divisions and to add more if necessary. Northwood is slated to be Division 2, with varsity, junior varsity and frosh-soph levels.
“Chicken flinging is actually an extremely intense sport,” chicken flinging athlete freshman Ster Roo said. “To really understand the chickens we throw, we wake up at the crack of dawn every day for group cockadoodledoos. It’s not for the weak.”
Northwood’s chicken flinging practice schedule includes throwing drills, chicken dances, ten mile runs and grain only diets. The program plans to have weekly visits to local rubber manufacturers to help athletes become more familiar with rubber physics.
Despite extreme training regiments, most chicken flinging athletes and coaches feel that everything they do is necessary to succeed. They hope that prospective chicken flinging athletes will feel the same.
“We’re looking for freshly hatched freshmen to join our program,” Roo said. “Chicken flinging is ruffling a lot of feathers and we want to keep things pecking. At the rate chicken flinging is strutting, you’ll see chicken flinging at the Olympics this summer.”
DISCLAIMER: Though chicken flinging would be a squawking success in CIF athletics, this story is for satirical purposes only and is in no way factual.
