A world-renowned, heroic revolutionary once said: “Ogres are like onions; onions have layers.” Taking this earnest advice to heart, I have tirelessly worked for about twenty minutes, been an active napper in Howler and contributed numerous words to every issue, to finally rise to the top and monopolize this dump of a page.
Don’t be fooled by this year’s disappointing, trashy content, for I promise to instate even worse jokes and horrible puns. Chicken chuckles? More like chicken teehees. That page never even got so much as a little sniffle of air out of the nose.
I HAVE NEW PLANS! I’m ready to establish a new authoritarian regime. I’m thinking of REAL NEWS in the Junk page (mixed in with fake news)—you’ll never see it coming. GREAT NEW ADS, perfectly catered to your corrupt capitalist conspiracy needs. CANCEROUS COMICS for your lazy butt to look at the pictures, since no one actually reads words in Howler anyways.
Like an onion, I will make you cry (from laughter, of course). It’s time to throw away the Chicken Chuckles. For next year, I present to you the new junk page: Cynical Cebollas.