Trash Bin of The Month: Trash Can #1

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Trash Can is a trash bin that has been serving on the Northwood campus as a trash bin for the past ten years. Because we felt that the school’s trash bins were not getting the respect and glory they deserved, The Howler decided to start a series of interviews called Trash Bin of the Month, which will be dedicated to spreading awareness of the complex lives and experiences of the trash bins we’ve come to know and love.  

The Howler: What is your least favorite part of your job?

Trash Can:The worst part of my job by far is having to see the look of absolute conflict on people’s faces when they debate whether or not to throw a recyclable water bottle into me to avoid spending three more seconds walking to the recycling bin further away. It also sucks when people barf in me.

TH: What is the worst thing that’s ever happened you?

TC: I absolutely abhor being left out in the rain. Thankfully, the climate prevents this from happening much. But it does unfortunately happen and when it does I get infested by slugs. Every time. There are just slugs everywhere, feasting upon the sopping wet papers and wills to live that people toss on a daily basis. And the next day when school resumes, people look upon me with even more disgust than usual, as I am now covered completely in slugs. It’s really hard on my ego.

TH: How do you spend your spare time?

TC: I quite like reading. I just read whatever comes my way, that is to say whatever people frequently toss. That usually includes copies of “Things Fall Apart” and The Howler.

TH: As an observer of student behavior, what is one thing people do that annoys you the most?

TC:  You know what peeves me most? People trying to do trick shots into my open maw, that’s what. Every single day without fail some arrogant kid tries to gain two seconds of glory and fame by tossing a balled up something at me from a couple feet away. Sometimes they make it, sometimes they miss it, but that doesn’t matter. It’s an overdone feat and nobody’s impressed by it anymore. To all the people who insist on doing this, stop. Move on with your life. Go do something productive, like building a Mike Pence shrine or selling your souls to social media.  

TH: Do you ever have to deal with rude people when you’re on the job? And if so, how do you deal with it?

TC: I often hear people use my name in a horribly derogatory manner. They say things like “you’re trash because you’re lame haha” or “your mum’s a trash can” to their friends right within earshot of me. I don’t know if they’re doing it to offend me, but regardless it hurts. Sticks and stones can’t break my lack of bones but words can sting quite a bit. It doesn’t bother me anymore, though, because I realized that I could just bully people back by calling them names and stealing their lunch money.