Teacher arrested for trafficking Pokémon
Following the worldwide spread of Pokémon GO, Northwood teacher Elise Flocken was arrested early Sunday morning on federal Pokemon trafficking charges.
“Over 400 innocent Pokémon were caught illegally, held against their will and trafficked from areas all over Orange County into Northwood,” Officer Jenny said. “Ms. Flocken committed atrocious crimes, and I will not stand still until they are incarcerated for their wrongdoings. It’s just like Ash Ketchum and his criminal trainer gang all over again.”
Flocken is currently being held at San Quentin in solitary confinement.
“These are the most dangerous criminals in our prison,” Nurse Jenny said. “What do you think would happen if they got access to a phone? Thousands of Pokémon lives would be in danger.”
However, the teachers did express reasoning as to why they would have committed such crimes.
“Trafficking Pokémon was a method for us teachers to gain more popularity with the students,” Flocken said. “Not to mention we made boatloads of money selling them to low rank players, especially the inexperienced ones who thought Pidgeys and Rattatas were the best you could catch.”
The teachers gained an estimated profit of $100,000 from their student sales, not including the bootleg Pokéballs they were selling during Freshman Orientation. Junior Earnest Wang was mortified when he realized that he had been cheated out of his money.
“I bought 17 Pidgeys and 42 Rattatas from Ms. Flocken,” Wang said as he broke down into tears. “She charged me $2,000 in total for my purchases, and in the end, Niantic banned my account for receiving trafficked Pokémon.”
The court trial for both teachers will take place this Friday, but it remains unlikely that they will be receiving a sentence shorter than the life sentence.