Ever wondered what food you’d be if you weren’t a depressingly average high school student? Well, wonder no more—The Howler is here with a brand-new quiz, perfect for all your freaky Thanksgiving fantasies.
- My favourite color is…
- A nice, vibrant red, much like the color of my snood and wattles.
- Irvine homeowner beige.
- Orange, I guess?
- I’m colorblind.
- I would describe myself as…
- A large bird in the genus Meleagris, native to the Americas.
- Sweet, and a little bit spicy.
- Cranberry sauce.
- You’ve been invited to a big Thanksgiving gathering. Where do you plan to be once the fun starts?
- A little late; I have to make sure I look the perfect shade of golden-brown before getting out of the oven.
- Drinking (some juice) alone in the corner.
- At the table or wherever the conversation is! I love parties.
- Nobody told me there was a party…
- What do you look for in a partner?
- I’m looking for commitment. I want someone who can put up with me for a long time, at my worst and best, after five weeks in the fridge and nothing but turkey sandwiches for weeks.
- Someone almost as dependent on me as I am on them. Hopefully then they won’t notice the extent of my parasitic nature.
- I want someone refreshing and cool who’ll make me feel good in the moment.
- At this point, I’ll take anything. Please…
- What’s your favorite food?
- Shrubbery, preferably organic, local and with a side of rocks for my gizzard.
- Leftovers. Personally, I feel like there’s a lot of cool side dishes that people just look over in favor of the main course. I mean, turkey isn’t everything, you guys!
- I find the temporary pleasure of a sugary treat helps numb the deep, existential pain I feel inside.
- Cranberry sauce.
If you answered A to most of these questions, your Thanksgiving twin is turkey! The life of the party, no dinner or gathering is complete without you. Everyone appreciates you at least somewhat, even if they agree that you can be a little dry. But, much like the fowl of the feast, you’ll end up languishing in the back of the fridge, with nobody really having the heart to throw you away outright.
If you answered B to most of the questions, you were probably stuffing in a previous life. You’re always playing second fiddle to someone more popular than you, and you’ve most likely never been anyone’s favorite. People tend to forget you’re there, really.
If you answered C to most of the questions, you most resemble pumpkin pie. You’re soft at heart, sweet and just a little bit weird, but the people who do enjoy your presence would die for you. Literally. It’s getting creepy at this point.
If you answered D to most of the questions, you’re cranberry sauce. My condolences.