We all know that life is hard. And unless you’re a freshman, you’ll know that going to Northwood just makes life a heck of a lot harder (don’t worry freshmen, you’ll come to this realization soon enough). But before you throw up your hands in exasperation and give up on your tragic life, rest assured that there are indeed ways to make your life at least a tad easier with a few simple life hacks.
- Keep a can of beans on your desk to remind yourself, in the toughest of times, that you CAN do it.
- Keep a steady supply of duct tape at hand to patch your life back together when it inevitably falls apart.
- Gather all the free bananas from the rejects bin in the cafeteria to prepare for the impending banana famine.
- Instead of using Google Docs to type up all your assignments, downgrade your computer software to Windows XP and dig up an old version of Microsoft Word from when Clippy was still alive. Sure, you still won’t have any friends in real life but having the company of a digital paperclip is the next best thing.
- Many say having a positive attitude is the key to success. But since you are a seasoned Northwood student and have been incapable of experiencing true happiness since the beginning of freshman year, an easy tip is to empty out all those bleach jugs you’ve been collecting your tears in and fill them instead with sunshine and rainbows to spread joy and peace throughout the world. End starvation and poverty while you’re at it.
- To stop yourself from procrastinating, write out a detailed schedule for yourself, crumple it up, change your identity, gradually settle back into society after spending a couple of decades hiding out in your parents’ basement, have a midlife crisis, spend what little remaining funds you have on lottery tickets in a last-ditch attempt to get somewhere in life, win the lottery and never work another day in your life. You can’t run from your responsibilities when you have none to run from.