Panera Bread bans students from stores
Panera Bread has officially banned all students from their stores nationwide—right after finals season in the Irvine Unified School District.
Known as the “Studying Hotspot,” Panera was the perfect location for desperate students trying to get some study time because of its numerous outlets, large tables and most importantly, free Wi-Fi. Unfortunately, Panera didn’t feel the same way.
“Do you know how many students come to Panera, especially during finals week? Do you know how many?” Manager John Doe said, while shakily bringing a cup of Panera Bread coffee to his lips. “I literally can’t count. Every time I try, there’s five more, all squashed into our tiny tables. They don’t even buy stuff from Panera. They usually bring in drinks from Starbucks and food from Chipotle, and even when we remind them to buy stuff, they just sit there, sipping from their little green straws.”
Students have been swarming Panera Bread since it first opened. After the first bread bowl was served, the first textbook landed on a table. As such, several students have already reported immense difficulties with adjusting to this sudden new change.
Students have already began to rally in protest at the Panera Bread Headquarters in St. Louis, Missouri. No violence occurred until police used water cannons to disperse the students. There have been several reports of hypothermia, and Panera may be facing severe charges. No lawsuits have been filed, but President Trump has hinted at possible intervention on his part via Twitter. Many people, including science teacher Kent Paris, are now protesting against the police response.
“I was originally all for Panera’s student ban. It was really weird every time I went to Panera and saw all these students who tried to hide from me by ducking behind their AP Chemistry textbooks,” Paris said. “But this treatment is unacceptable, not to mention incredibly unconstitutional! Do you know how many emails I’ll get from students telling me that they can’t take the test because they got hypothermia? Now I might have to just postpone the entire test!”