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Good, Bad, Ugly: la edición de amor

Dear Howler, this guy and I like each other, but my parents are super strict and won’t let me date anyone. Help!

Good: While your parents’ strictness may be the absolute worst thing in the world at the moment, remember that they are just probably protective because they care about your safety and well-being. But if telling them you’re in a relationship is too intimidating, you can also confide in a sibling or close relative in your situation, and maybe they can help reason with them. While keeping it secret may work temporarily, they are bound to find out eventually if the relationship is long-term, so be careful!

Bad: Keep it secret. Profess your deep love for each other. Start a new life in Zimbabwe, somewhere that they won’t find you and your lover.

Ugly: Your parents know best—divorce papers are expensive.

 

Dear Howler, there’s this really cute girl in one of my classes, but we don’t sit near each other or anything, so I have no opportunity of talking to her. What should I do?

Good: If you never muster up the courage to talk to her, you may be missing out on getting to know a great person! If you want to start off casual, approach her after class, or message her after school, maybe asking about homework. If you’re lucky enough to have a good friend in the class who knows your crush, maybe they can play a part in subtly introducing the two of you. Either way, carpe diem!

Bad: If you never muster up the courage to talk to her, you may be missing out on a perfect opportunity to embarrass yourself! The point is, if you try to talk to her or message her after school, she’s just going to think that you are being weird and stalker-ish. Instead, do what everyone else does: Comment “first” under all of her (or her friend’s) Facebook posts to assert dominance. It’s perfectly socially acceptable.

Ugly: Throw out your desk. They’ll have to get you a new one. Hopefully one closer to her.

 

Dear Howler, what should I wear for a first date?

Good: You probably want to wear something a little nicer than what you might usually wear on a day-to-day basis, but you don’t have to completely change your appearance! If you’re really stuck on what to wear: Ladies, maybe try your favorite shirt and a skirt or a pair of cute jeans; Gentlemen, maybe try a casual button-up shirt and jeans. Whatever makes you feel comfortable and cute!

Bad: There are several options depending on what type of impression you are trying to make. Option one: Wear your funeral suit. This is going to be the death of your social life since you will make such a fool of yourself during the date. Option two: Wear a trash bag. Not only does it accentuate your unflattering form, it also represents where you belong. Option three: Wear a neon tracksuit: Since your ugly face already burns your date’s eyes, you might as well just blind them to end their misery.

Ugly: It doesn’t matter what you are going to wear: Nothing can distract from the disaster that is your face.

 

Dear Howler, my best friend started dating this guy and never hangs out with me anymore. What do I do?

Good: Just remember that this is your best friend we’re talking about, so you can be honest with him/her. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation with your best friend at some point, and explain how you feel. Hopefully, your friend can realize how his/her relationship is getting in the way of your friendship, and will spend more time with you in the future. Don’t take it too personally—many people get swept up in high school relationships without realizing what they are doing. Who knows? Maybe in the near future, your friend will need a shoulder to cry on, and if that time comes, he/she will need your support.

Bad: Just remember that this is your best friend we’re talking about, so you can be honest with them. Sit down and have a heart-to-heart conversation…in which you reveal gossip about your best friend’s boy/girlfriend. Who knows? Your friend might need a hand in revenging their ex, and if that time comes, he/she will need your support.

Ugly: Become the guy! Then both of you can hang out with your best friend! Yaayyy!

 

Dear Howler, I feel like my boyfriend might be cheating on me; he’s super secretive, especially with his phone these days, and always spends time with this other girl. I don’t know what to do, help!

Good: Don’t make rash assumptions too quickly! Talk to him and address your concerns. For all you know, it could be a total misunderstanding. However, if you are still suspicious and you have a gut feeling, be wary, and keep an eye out for things you hear from people, especially people you trust.

Bad: Exact your revenge: Cheat on him in return (after guessing his phone password incorrectly too many times, locking it for eternity and then burying that cursed thing in your backyard, that is).

Ugly: Write about how you got dumped for a phone in your diary.