Beware! Senioritis is here

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More infectious than the plague, deadlier than Ebola and more likely to invade a local Chipotle than E. coli, Senioritis is a disease that will stop at nothing until every high school senior is left as a lifeless blob of family disappointment. With the end of fall finals, any senior could already be infected, and to keep this sickness from spreading, it is essential that any early symptoms be caught.

One of the earliest symptoms is a senior’s surprisal toward anything academic. This may start off with the innocent action of forgetting homework, but eventually, every quiz will be a pop quiz.

“I remember walking into AP Government, seeing the desk in rows and realizing we had a test,” senior Justin Lee said. “But then I realized that I really didn’t care.”

Although selective forgetfulness is one the earliest symptoms, one the most prevalent and noticable is a lack of filter and judgment during school. This can manifest in many different forms, and can include a senior randomly calling a teacher by their first name, using a science teacher’s sink to brush their teeth or even bringing an entire Tempur-Pedic® Memory Foam mattress with added advanced Sleep Bubble technology to an AP Computer Science test.

Unfortunately, one in every five seniors is already infected. If left unchecked, juniors, sophomores and even freshmen, who, after finishing only one anchor, decide the cost of education is not worthwhile, and instead waste time promoting their Tik Tok careers. If a senior is spotted with any of the above symptoms, please make sure to alert the administration and keep a one mile radius distance from anyone that is infected.