10 under 10: presenting 10 of the brightest youths in 2016
1. Glostein Rienback (6)
An innovator in her own right, first-grader Reinback began using Velcro shoes when she was just two years old, and upon realizing her inability to tie shoelaces, she decided to be 100 percent reliant on Velcro instead of trying to overcome this challenge. She has made the revolutionary decision to stick with Velcro for the rest of her life even as her peers slowly move onto shoelaces and zippers. To this day, she still does not know how to tie shoelaces, a fact she holds onto proudly.
2. Burren Wuffet (8)
Wuffet began to show his intuition for economics at the early age of three, when he collected (and ate) pennies to keep them in circulation. Today, Wuffet has amassed a sizeable rank of filled piggy banks through re-selling Girl Scout cookies while they are not in season (thus pressuring the Girl Scouts to raise prices to compensate for the drop of sales caused by the competition) and boba sales from Northwood. Wuffet recently published his own tax returns despite his parents’ audit, challenging everyone else to do the same.
3. Simone Piles (3)
Successfully escaping her crib at the tender age of 1, Piles made a name for herself from her extraordinary ability to scale incredibly tall obstacles like stools and toilets. Recently, she has been working on improving her throwing ability as well by throwing her spoon from her highchair across the house according to her mother. Piles is in consideration to attend the 2020 Botswanan Olympics in both the crib climb and spoon shot put.
4. Jordan Brown (8)
Jordan Brown started his path to fame along side his peers ever since he was born, flooding his parents’ Facebook friends’ timelines with his pictures and updates about every five minutes. Brown resurfaced in the popular media after starring in the viral video, “Jordan Bit My Hand—Again” along with its sequels, “Jordan Bit My Hand—Part II,” and “Jordan Bit My Hand—Part III.” Brown is now in the process of filming a autobiographical documentary about his family that is set to release in 2018.
5. Buseber Jitin (6)
Hailing from Canada, the six-year-old’s six-second hit on Vine titled “me counting to six” has inspired millions on the internet to produce parodies and spoofs. He has since followed up with another Vine titled “me counting to seven,” quickly prompting producer DJ Khaled to sign the young talent to his record label. Jitin is now joining the ranks of fellow Canadian countrymen Drake, Justin Bieber and Shawn Mendes in the Hall of Fame.
6. Mark Fisher (9)
Fisher started his gaming career when he was only five, starting his own gaming channel on YouTube and gaining internet fame with his Call of Duty playthroughs. Despite the controversies surrounding the legal concerns of a minor playing a video games with a mature rating, Fisher continues his successful gaming career while beginning to develop his own app games.
7. Stephanie Baron (7)
Baron revolutionizes media reporting by utilizing her experiences as the president’s speech writer, reinstating the fact that feelings Trump facts with her famous articles, “Pope Francis endorses ice cream” and “Hillary Clinton is the founder of icky, nasty vegetables.” Baron later rejected her nomination for chief strategist and announced that her actions were satirical, since “it would be really stupid if I were actually serious.”
8. T-Rex Rillerson (8)
At the age of 5, Rillerson was awarded the medal of friendship from the Criblin when he heroically saved his best friend from a giant (teddy) bear. After years of getting coal for Christmas, Rillerson realized his love for this substance and designed countless coal power plant modules to combat the hoax of global warming. Now you can find him distributing anti-global warming pamphlets to his elementary school peers.
9. Kelly Proway (9)
From her passion for LEGOs, Ren studied the engineering behind brick formations to form a better national security policy in which LEGO brick walls would be built around the entire White House to ensure maximum security for the president (and ensure that he doesn’t ever leave). Her ingenuity has made her the youngest individual to be considered to be appointed to the position of Secretary of State.
10. Monald RcDonald (7)
RcDonald expressed his wide imagination and artistic abilities in his early childhood, crafting foods out of play-doh and serving them to his peers. Though everyone spat out his food, he continued pursuing his passion in food-making. His innovative combination of four distinctive shapes and his marketing “RcDonald’s” brand immediately earned him widespread popularity and inspired one of the biggest fast-food restaurant chains in the world.
Photo by Scott Eells/Bloomberg via Getty Images.